In October, I counted 10 full moons towards Halloween. Even the air felt ..different this year? Stay with me :)
My family was raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, so we tried to stick away from demonic ideas ig u could say. no skulls, magic, sage, gospel. kind of hard to remember but tried my best. Always talked to my close friends about it. It was a weird convo every time I swear. Answering questions became a script. Not standing for the pledge, couldn't watch certain cartoons, not celebrating bdays or holidays. *The usual lol*
Never felt it was ok to knock on doors for field service. Id imagine some big dude coming off work exhausted, just clocking out on his bed when he gets home from a 12 hr shift. Id feel like an ass messing with some ones day. I saw it like putting mail in someone's mailbox, law says we cant do that. . u know? Made me who I am though and i see where they were coming from. but you shouldnt knock on others door for those reasons in my opinion.
.. fucked up things always in October. Always kept it to myself idk y. My step dad passed years ago (r.i.p he was a cool dude). Lost close people to me around the same time. Figures and fog were once an ordeal at a point. Death was always just around us. It started so morbid, then slowly i just adapted to it. Its the life cycle. Just a bunch of depressing shit that keeps u from being yourself. U are not your surrounding. always remember that!
Internet security- It just felt eyry this fall. Instagram never gave me a good vibe so im going to try to focus on my website alil more and make something out of it. Therapy always hurt tbh. They say confidential then boom!!! When the doc cant hold water then whats the fkn point??WHy is it hard to tell someone something and just keep it there. Just shut up love me and help me..just listsin....fuck lmao
Im a walking tangent srry. All i wanted to get off my chest is i fell i was being watched. My voice isnt the loudest in the stadium at times, but id like just be more self aware of the things that are right in front of me without me sweeping it under the rug like a icecube under the refrigerator of abyss.
I bring up the moon because in the Midwest, the weather has a certain feel to it. This year, every time i stepped outside it felt off. + on a lovely side note its 4am and i had a 4for4 at 8pm. Have i been feeling crazy. Yes. Paranoid. alilbit. There is this sound of a metal cage being banged over and over. Spent my entire 21st in quarantine. I just want to go
++i usually just make these so i dont feel crazy anymore. if u read these, without judging, and keep an open mind going down the months/years, you are a really dope person. TY <3
iv been thinking of ig live so much. I wanna talk to the homies that support me. Mentally i feel like my brain is a bowl of spaghetti falling between my fingers.
im here for a reason. you are here for a reason. and we are both here to figure it out. The fact im taking a different rout, its a dam good first step. i hope u are taking the steps towards your goal. i hate sounding like the (peace love and happiness) hippy kind of person. Lowkey i just wanna see u mfs happy. ight im done <## gn
i cant fucking sleep..wtf
sleep tight u sexy mfs >:3